Written on the 4th of April

Tomorrow I start teaching. I am quite nervous.

There is a large amount of pressure on me to do well. This is not anyone else putting it on me, but being applied by myself. I am working for a good friend whom I care about a lot. She is risking a lot with this venture and as the sole teacher a lot of it rests on my shoulders. Well not really I suppose, the biggest factor will probably be the marketing efforts and it is possible that this area cannot support a school. Still, my efforts could be the difference between success and failure of the school. She will be in the room, both reviewing my lesson and providing some assistance where I have indicated I will need it and if necessary, speaking Japanese to the students if I require it.

She has been totally wonderful with all this and I am sure whether it my lesson works out or not, she will be supportive. Yet I have a strong desire to prove myself to her and reward her faith in me.

I am teaching 2-3 year olds tomorrow. They will be shy so I have my work cut out for me to get them involved. It should be interesting. It is sort of funny, I am already looking at it like programming, which it is in a way. You have to control input to be very precise to such young students. Actions and words must be clear and where possible codified and iconic. I must build a template of commands that are distinct and clear.

There is a danger in looking at it like this. It is a mistake as a teacher to focus too much on one's own performance. What the students learn is the only metric. This can lead to missing out on students reactions and state, but instead just focusing on perfect delivery.

Anyways, I think I will be ok. The more nervous I am leading up to a lesson, the less nervous I feel when teaching (well that is the tendency at least). Still, I am not really that nervous, but my habit is to get increasingly nervous until I start. Once I do I do not fear. The only issue is that I am so excited, that adrenaline (or something) pumps to my brain and I become, well, high.

I really do love teaching. If I will love teaching 2-3 year olds remains to be seen, but I think it will be fun.

By the way I will be teaching all ages at the school, not just 2-3 year olds thankfully. There is a lack of adult students at the moment, which is an issue, but so be it. It is very likely that I will move after a year travel throughout Japan, teaching at other places. I will take this chance if I can to teach adults. I like the ability to have real/natural relationships with my students.